Chapter 5 - Orson Told The Therapist What “More Of A Mom” Meant
I arranged therapy immediately.
Not because I suddenly became enlightened.
Because I was terrified.
Orson had screamed something in that foyer I could not forget.
She’s more of a mom than Mom.
At first I heard it as an accusation against Evelyn.
It wasn’t.
His therapist explained that after the third session.
“He’s not ranking women,” she told me.
“What is he doing?”
“Describing caregiving.”
I sat silently.
She continued.
“When Orson says ‘mom,’ he currently means the person who knows what happens when he wakes from a nightmare.”
That was Maeve.
“The person who knows which lunch he’ll eat.”
Maeve.
“The person who sits outside the bathroom when he feels sick.”
Maeve.
“The person who notices when he is pretending not to cry.”
Maeve.
Then the therapist said:
“He still loves his biological mother deeply.”
That confused me.
“Then why say what he said?”
“Because children can love someone and still feel abandoned by their absence.”
She leaned forward.
“They can also love a father and still feel unseen by him.”
That one was for me.
I asked whether Maeve had encouraged dependency.
The therapist’s expression cooled.
“Is there evidence of that?”
“No.”
“Then be careful.”
“With what?”
“With turning the person who responded to your son’s needs into the cause of those needs.”
I felt my face flush.
That was exactly what I had been doing.
I resented Maeve because Orson relied on her.
But the reliance existed because there had been empty space.
Evelyn was gone too much.
I was emotionally preoccupied with winning the separation.
Maeve was present.
Children attach to presence.
May you like
That wasn’t betrayal.
It was development.
