Chapter 11 - Christopher Thought He Was Repaying His Mother for Saving Him
Individual therapy changed how Christopher described:
Florence.
Before:
Mom helped me.
Later:
Mom rescued me.
Different.
Christopher was twenty-eight when his business nearly failed.
His father already dead.
His identity built around:
being capable,
being contractor,
being man who fixes.
Then the townhouse project collapsed.
He told almost nobody.
Florence discovered a past-due lender notice.
She took out:
the HELOC
without even telling him first.
$85,000.
Christopher later said:
“That money is the reason I didn’t lose everything.”
Probably true.
Then:
“I decided I would spend the rest of my life making sure Mom never regretted it.”
There.
Not:
repay principal.
Not:
interest.
A lifelong emotional debt.
When he married me, that debt entered:
our household
without ever being:
negotiated.
Every time Florence needed:
roof,
tax,
insurance,
repair,
Christopher saw:
repayment.
Every time I questioned the expense, he heard:
Sabrina does not understand what Mom sacrificed.
Then my career rose.
His did not.
Another layer.
The more I earned, the easier it became to believe:
We can afford this.
Then:
Sabrina can afford this.
Eventually:
Sabrina should afford this.
Christopher admitted something in therapy that later made him cry.
“I think I needed Mom to keep needing money because otherwise I had to admit the debt was over.”
Why?
Because repayment ending meant:
the rescue could never be repaid emotionally.
He had to live with:
Mom saved me when I failed.
No check can erase:
that.
So he kept:
paying.
Then used my income to make the repayment less painful.
That was where gratitude became:
May you like
entitlement.
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