Chapter 4 - I Sent Money to My Mother Because It Felt Like Doing Something
Cancer made me feel useless.
Money did not.
That became the trap.
Lucy had insurance through her employer initially.
Then she reduced:
hours.
Then took:
medical leave.
There were:
deductibles,
co-insurance,
prescriptions,
travel,
nutrition support,
household costs,
missed income.
I wanted none of those problems reaching:
her.
Theresa said:
“Send me whatever you want for Lucy.”
“I’ll handle everything.”
At first that sounded:
kind.
My mother created a separate checking account used for household expenses while Lucy stayed with her.
I transferred:
$8,000.
Then:
$12,000.
Then:
$10,000.
I told Theresa:
“Whatever Lucy needs.”
She answered:
“I know.”
Lucy initially had direct access too.
At least:
I believed she did.
Then treatment became harder.
She stopped opening:
mail.
Theresa paid:
bills.
Drove:
her.
Collected:
medications.
Talked to insurance while Lucy slept.
After Lucy developed an infection and was briefly hospitalized, she signed a limited financial power of attorney allowing Theresa to manage:
ordinary household payments,
insurance communications,
medical billing
during treatment.
The attorney who prepared it included restrictions against:
gifts,
self-dealing,
transferring Lucy’s assets to Theresa,
and unrelated business transactions.
Reasonable.
But the document gave Theresa something more important than legal power.
Status.
She became:
the person everyone called.
Hospital asks about ride?
Theresa.
Insurance problem?
Theresa.
Nathan needs update?
Theresa.
Lucy asleep?
Theresa.
At first, this reduced stress.
Then it reduced:
Lucy.
I started calling Mom before calling:
my wife.
Not consciously.
Practically.
“What did the doctor say?”
“Blood counts low.”
“Is Lucy eating?”
“Barely.”
“What does she need?”
“I’ll tell you.”
That sentence became normal.
I sent more:
$15,000.
Then:
$20,000.
Then another:
$12,000.
Over roughly twenty-one months:
$103,500.
I told myself:
I am taking care of my wife.
The problem was:
May you like
I had stopped asking my wife whether that was true.
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