Chapter 13 - Victoria’s First Honest Apology Did Not Ask to Be Called “Mom”

Victoria’s first letter to Daniel was useless.

I am sorry that grief, jealousy, and pressure caused our family to reach such an unhealthy point.

Daniel stopped reading.

Grief had not thrown water.

Pressure had not slapped Lily.

Then a second letter.

More specific.

Still defensive.

Then eleven months after the divorce began, Victoria sent one to Emma.

Daniel learned about it only because Emma told him years later.

It said:

I tried to turn your employment into authority over your testimony. I expected you to support me because I signed your checks. When you refused, I threatened your future work and then kicked you. That was abusive.

Emma read on.

You should not have slapped me while I held Lily, but your decision did not cause mine. I had already chosen to frighten a baby and intimidate you.

Accurate.

Then:

I put the witness page in Lily’s pocket because I was afraid Daniel would see it. Using her clothing to hide something connected to a fight about who should be her mother now disgusts me.

Emma did not answer immediately.

Eventually:

Thank you for writing the truth.

Nothing else.

Then Victoria wrote Daniel.

Not asking for Lily.

Not asking for reconciliation.

I wanted adoption because I believed legal motherhood could end my feeling of being temporary. When you hesitated, I treated Rachel’s continued place in Lily’s life as the reason. It wasn’t. My fear was mine.

Then:

I tried to reduce Carol because I could not reduce Rachel.

Daniel read that sentence several times.

There.

Then:

I loved Lily, and I also resented what she represented. Both are true. Loving her did not make my behavior loving.

That was the first time Daniel believed Victoria understood the contradiction.

Then the final paragraph:

If Lily ever asks about me, do not tell her I was her mother. I was her stepmother for a short time. I wanted the title badly enough that I stopped behaving like someone who deserved trust.

Daniel put the letter away.

Years later, he would use parts of it when Lily was old enough to ask questions.

Not the whole thing.

Children do not need adult confessions dumped into their laps.

But he appreciated one change.

Victoria had stopped trying to win the noun:

May you like

Grandpa Saw the Seal on Elsie’s Flower—And Ethan Turned Pale

My Husband Threw Me Out While I Was Pregnant—Then My Father Said The Bab...

My Wife Made My Daughter Kneel Beside A Dog Bowl—Then Our Housekeeper Sh...

mother.

---