Chapter 5 - Howard Had Always Resented Laura
Howard was my mother’s younger brother.
He never disliked:
children generally.
He disliked:
mess.
Laura had been messy.
As a teenager:
reckless.
As an adult:
addiction,
rehab,
relapse,
emergencies.
Howard believed Eleanor protected:
her too much.
He once said:
“Every time Laura blows up her life, somebody writes another check.”
I was twenty-nine.
I answered:
“She’s sick.”
Howard replied:
“So are plenty of people who don’t bankrupt everyone around them.”
Ugly.
Also rooted in:
real exhaustion.
Family members of people with addiction can become:
angry.
But after Laura died, his anger transferred:
somewhere else.
Nora.
Not consciously at first.
He called her:
“sensitive.”
Then:
“difficult.”
Then:
“Laura all over again.”
That phrase should have ended every unsupervised interaction.
Instead Mom said:
“Howard is grieving too.”
Again:
grief
used as explanation.
Eventually explanation became:
May you like
permission.
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