Chapter 7 - I Can Hear You
He went to Mary’s house ten days after the wedding.
George answered the door.
Lucas looked thinner.
Unshaven.
Still handsome.
Still their son.
George did not invite him in.
“Dad.”
George waited.
“Can I see her?”
“No.”
Lucas swallowed.
“Please.”
George’s face remained calm.
“She is sleeping.”
“I need to apologize.”
“You needed to defend her.”
Lucas flinched.
“I know.”
“No,” George said. “You know you lost something. That is not the same as knowing what you did.”
Lucas looked down.
“I didn’t pull the wig.”
George stepped onto the porch and closed the door behind him.
“No. You watched.”
The words hit harder because they were quiet.
George continued.
“Jennifer used her hand. You used your silence.”
Lucas’s eyes filled.
“I was embarrassed.”
“Of your mother?”
Lucas closed his eyes.
“Yes.”
The honesty cost him.
George let it.
Lucas said, “I hated seeing her sick. I hated how people looked at us. I hated that she looked weak.”
George’s voice shook for the first time.
“She was fighting to stay alive.”
“I know.”
“You don’t.”
Lucas covered his face.
“I don’t know how to fix it.”
George looked at his son for a long time.
Then said, “Good. Start there. Stop trying to fix it and learn how to face it.”
Mary agreed to see Lucas three weeks later.
Not at home.
At her oncology center.
She chose the place deliberately.
If he wanted forgiveness, he would begin where he had been ashamed to look.
Lucas entered the infusion room carrying flowers.
Mary was seated in a recliner, scarf wrapped around her head, IV line in place, George beside her reading a magazine upside down because he had not absorbed a word.
Lucas stopped.
For once, he did not look away.
Mary saw the effort.
She did not reward it too quickly.
He approached slowly.
“Hi, Mom.”
“Hello, Lucas.”
That formality hurt him.
Good.
He sat in the chair across from her.
“I’m sorry.”
Mary waited.
He swallowed.
“I’m sorry Jennifer pulled your wig off.”
Mary’s eyes stayed on him.
“And?”
He looked at George.
George gave him nothing.
Lucas looked back.
“I’m sorry I didn’t stop her.”
“And?”
His mouth trembled.
“I’m sorry I told you not to make a scene when you were the one being hurt.”
Mary’s eyes filled.
“And?”
He cried then.
“I’m sorry I was ashamed of you being sick.”
The room seemed to still around them.
Mary looked out the window.
A woman two chairs down wiped her eyes.
Lucas kept going because now that truth had opened, he could not survive closing it.
“I’m sorry I let Jennifer make you smaller so I could feel like my life was becoming bigger. I’m sorry I wanted the lake and the money and the perfect wedding more than I wanted to be a good son that day.”
Mary closed her eyes.
A tear slipped down her cheek.
Lucas whispered, “I don’t know if you can forgive me.”
Mary opened her eyes.
“I don’t either.”
He nodded.
He had not expected that.
Part of him had.
That was his remaining selfishness.
Mary continued.
“But I can hear you.”
Lucas began to cry harder.
“That is all you get today,” she said.
He nodded again.
“Okay.”
George’s hand found Mary’s.
May you like
The apology did not repair the ballroom.
But it was the first sentence that did not lie.
