Chapter 13 - Ryan’s Apology Started With the Slap and Ended With Emma
Ryan did not apologize quickly.
Good.
Fast apologies would have been:
strategy.
Bankruptcy humbled him.
So did losing:
the project.
He blamed:
Derek,
lenders,
market,
me.
Then eventually reached:
himself.
Nine months after the dining-room confrontation, he asked to meet.
I said:
public place.
No:
Mom.
He agreed.
Ryan sat across from me at a coffee shop.
He looked thinner.
No expensive watch.
Not because bankruptcy magically changed:
character.
Life had become:
less performative.
He said:
“I hit you.”
“Yes.”
“I’m sorry.”
I waited.
“I had no right.”
“Yes.”
“I also kicked the chair and threw you out of a house that isn’t even mine.”
Interesting.
Mom’s house had already:
sold.
“Correct.”
Then:
“I used Emma.”
I looked at him.
He continued.
“I kept making everything about her because I knew you’d say no to me and yes to her.”
There.
“I told myself I was protecting my daughter.”
“Were you?”
“Sometimes.”
“And other times?”
“I was protecting myself from having to admit I couldn’t afford the life I wanted.”
Good.
Then:
“I also hated that you had money.”
That surprised me less.
Ryan looked down.
“When we were younger, everybody thought I’d be the successful one.”
“Dad did.”
“Yeah.”
“And then Dad died and I wrecked the company.”
“You inherited a difficult business.”
“I also made bad decisions.”
Both.
Then:
“You got better every year.”
“I got worse.”
“Every time I asked you for money, I hated myself.”
“So you hated me instead.”
He nodded.
That answer was ugly enough to:
believe.
Then:
“Do you forgive me?”
“No.”
His face changed.
I continued.
“Not yet.”
He nodded.
No argument.
Good.
Then I said:
“I do want a relationship with you eventually.”
“Why?”
Because:
he was my brother.
Not enough.
Because people can:
change.
Maybe.
I answered:
“Because I remember who you were before shame became your whole personality.”
Ryan cried.
Quietly.
I had not seen him cry since:
Dad’s funeral.
I did not write a check.
May you like
That was also progress.
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