Chapter 4 - Emma’s Ultrasound Made the Problem Harder to Ignore
Three years later, I became pregnant with Emma.
This time Preston wanted to know the sex immediately.
At twenty weeks, the ultrasound technician smiled.
“Looks like another little girl.”
I laughed.
Sophie was going to have:
a sister.
Preston said:
“Are you sure?”
The technician looked slightly uncomfortable.
“As sure as we can be from this view.”
In the parking garage afterward, he was silent.
I finally said:
“You’re disappointed.”
“No.”
“You are.”
He slammed the car door harder than necessary.
“I’m allowed to want a son.”
“I didn’t say you weren’t.”
“Then stop looking at me like I did something wrong.”
I apologized.
That still bothers me.
Not because disappointment itself made Preston terrible.
Parents imagine things.
A daughter.
A son.
Twins.
A certain future.
The responsibility begins after reality arrives.
Do you mourn the fantasy privately and love the child who exists?
Or do you make the child carry the disappointment?
Preston increasingly chose:
the second.
When Emma was born, he loved her.
I believe that.
But he also started saying things like:
“Third time’s the charm.”
In front of:
Sophie.
One day Sophie asked:
“What charm?”
I answered too quickly.
“Daddy means another baby would be fun.”
Preston looked at me.
Said nothing.
That was the first time I deliberately translated his words for our daughter.
May you like
It would not be the last.
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