Chapter 12 - Richard and Elena Finally Stopped Parenting Against Each Other
Daniel was not created by Elena alone.
Richard had watched:
the rescue pattern.
Complained.
Then withdrew.
That was his contribution.
Whenever Elena said:
“I already handled it,”
Richard sighed.
Whenever Daniel called Elena instead of:
him,
Richard accepted.
It made Richard:
the less involved parent.
He later criticized:
the closeness
he had helped avoid.
One evening Richard said:
“I used to think you spoiled Daniel because you wanted control.”
Elena looked at him.
“And?”
“I think sometimes I let you spoil him because it let me stay clean.”
“What does that mean?”
“When Daniel messed up, you fixed it.”
“I got to say:
I told you so.”
“I never had to sit with him while he failed.”
Elena stared.
Richard continued.
“When he lost money, you refinanced the problem.”
“I criticized the decision.”
“You carried the emotional burden.”
“I got to be principled.”
That was his version of:
outsourcing.
Same family pattern.
Richard began changing too.
Daniel called him one Saturday:
“My water heater died.”
Richard answered:
“That’s terrible.”
Pause.
Daniel waited.
Richard said:
“You want a plumber recommendation?”
Daniel laughed.
“Yes.”
No offer to pay.
No lecture.
Just:
help requested,
help given.
Small.
Healthy.
Elena heard about it later.
She was almost offended nobody called her.
Then smiled.
Progress often feels like:
May you like
being unnecessary.
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