Chapter 14 - Lily Chose What the Necklace Meant
By twelve, Lily wore Anna’s necklace maybe twice a:
week.
Sometimes less.
That pleased:
me.
Not because I wanted her to move on.
Because the necklace no longer had to perform a:
job.
For years it meant:
Mom.
Then resistance.
Then surveillance.
Then evidence.
Too much responsibility for a piece of:
silver.
One morning Lily left it on the bathroom counter and went to school.
I noticed at:
lunch.
For half a second I considered bringing it to:
her.
Then stopped.
She did not need it every:
day.
That afternoon she came home.
“Saw my necklace?”
“Bathroom.”
“Oh.”
No panic.
Good.
Then she opened the cedar box and placed the necklace inside beside the brass key.
Anna’s age-twelve letter was there.
Lily read it that:
night.
Anna wrote:
You may be taller than me by now, which is rude.
Lily was not.
She laughed anyway.
Then:
I hope there are people in your life I never got to meet. Some may love you beautifully. Some may disappoint you. Most will probably do both in different amounts. Do not decide whether you deserve love based on how difficult somebody finds your feelings.
Lily read that part:
twice.
Then asked:
“Did Mom know Vanessa?”
“Yes.”
“Did she know this would happen?”
“No.”
“Then why does it sound like she did?”
“Because people repeat the same mistakes in different clothes.”
She frowned.
“That sounds like something old people say.”
Probably.
Then Lily asked something I did not expect.
“Was Vanessa always bad?”
“No.”
She looked surprised.
“She did bad things.”
“Yes.”
“Lots.”
“Yes.”
“Then?”
“She also did kind things sometimes.”
Lily considered:
that.
“Does that mean I have to miss her?”
“No.”
“Can I?”
“Yes.”
There.
Healing became complicated enough to be:
real.
Sometimes Lily missed the woman who taught her to bake.
Then remembered the tracker and became:
angry.
Both.
She did not need to choose one clean:
emotion.
Then she asked whether she could write Vanessa a:
letter.
I said yes.
Her therapist helped her decide whether to send:
it.
Lily wrote:
I remember good things and bad things. The good things do not make the bad things fake. The bad things do not erase that I liked you before. I am still not ready to see you.
That was more mature than most adults:
manage.
She sent it.
Vanessa did not push for:
more.
Good.
Then the backyard.
Buddy had gotten older.
Gray around his:
muzzle.
Lily spent an absurd amount of time sitting inside the dog run reading.
One afternoon she took off the necklace and hung it temporarily from the fence while brushing:
Buddy.
I walked past.
Stopped.
She noticed.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“You’re staring.”
“It’s hanging on the fence.”
“Yes.”
“The last time it was in there—”
“I know.”
Then she smiled.
“That’s why I put it there.”
I laughed.
Apparently reclaiming trauma can also involve annoying your:
father.
She finished brushing Buddy.
Picked up the necklace.
Put it back:
on.
Nothing happened.
May you like
That was the point.
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