Chapter 4 - Darwin Never Heard the Follow-Up Because He Chose Not to Attend
The most important fertility appointment of our marriage happened without my husband.
That fact became relevant years later.
Dr. Morris wanted to review:
my repeat labs,
ultrasound,
Darwin’s still-incomplete testing.
The appointment was at three-thirty on a Tuesday.
Darwin had a client presentation.
He said:
“I can move it.”
I answered:
“No.”
That was mine.
I wanted to prove I could handle:
one appointment.
He asked:
“You sure?”
“Yes.”
He said:
“Call me right after.”
At the appointment, my AMH was still low.
But the rest remained:
reassuring.
Dr. Morris said:
“You may have a shorter reproductive window than average.”
“That is different from saying you cannot conceive.”
“Women with diminished ovarian reserve become pregnant spontaneously all the time.”
“We should move efficiently, not catastrophize.”
Then:
“Darwin still needs his evaluation.”
I nodded.
She looked at me.
“Sydney, this is not automatically a female-factor problem.”
Those words mattered.
I called Darwin afterward.
Voicemail.
I left:
“Appointment was actually reassuring. Call me.”
He called at:
nine-thirty.
By then he was at his parents’ house.
I could hear Margaret.
“How bad?”
“It isn’t bad.”
“What did she say?”
I explained.
Shorter window.
Still ovulating.
Pregnancy possible.
Need his test.
Darwin became:
quiet.
Then Margaret’s voice in the background:
“What did the doctor say exactly?”
Darwin covered the phone badly.
“Mom.”
I said:
“I’ll talk to you at home.”
He did not come home that night.
He stayed at his parents because:
late.
That was the first time.
The next morning he told me Margaret had “spoken to someone.”
I said:
“I don’t care.”
He continued.
“She says doctors sugarcoat fertility stuff because they don’t want patients panicking.”
I stared.
“Your mother is now correcting a reproductive endocrinologist?”
“No.”
“I’m just telling you what she said.”
“Why?”
He became irritated.
“Because maybe we need to be realistic.”
There was that word again.
I asked:
“Did you listen to my voicemail?”
“Yes.”
“Do you understand what I said?”
“Yes.”
“No, Darwin.”
“You understand what your mother said.”
He walked away.
That was the beginning of something I did not recognize:
May you like
Darwin outsourcing uncomfortable facts to the version his family preferred.
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