Chapter 8 - Michael Had Been Using Victoria to Avoid Being the Bad Parent
The most painful revelation came from a simple question Dr. Helen Meyers asked him.
“Who disciplined the children before Victoria?”
“Sarah.”
“After Sarah died?”
“Me.”
Helen waited.
Michael corrected himself.
“Mostly no one.”
There.
He had become afraid of making Ben and Emily unhappy.
Their mother died.
How could he take away a tablet?
How could he say no to a sleepover?
How could he force chores when they were grieving?
So Michael became generous.
Then guilty about being permissive.
Then Victoria arrived.
She had fewer emotional wounds around the children.
She could say:
no.
At first Michael loved:
it.
Bedtime became consistent.
Homework improved.
The house was cleaner.
Then whenever the kids became angry, Michael could remain:
good Dad.
Victoria became:
bad cop.
He complained about her strictness privately, then told her to keep enforcing.
Mixed message.
Then traveled.
When Ben called:
“Victoria took my phone.”
Michael said:
“Listen to her.”
When Emily complained about chores:
“She’s trying to teach responsibility.”
When Victoria told Michael the children had been terrible:
“I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.”
He made her the disciplinarian.
Then resented how much authority she accumulated.
Helen said:
“You outsourced conflict.”
Michael nodded.
Then:
“And she overreached.”
“Yes.”
Both.
Then Michael remembered the day Victoria first mentioned the household agreement.
She said:
“I can’t keep being responsible without authority.”
That complaint was legitimate.
He answered:
“Then we’ll formalize things.”
He never followed through personally.
So Victoria did.
She hired Hawthorne.
Built file.
Drafted structure.
Michael let process travel without him because he did not want to sit through:
family governance.
Then he walked into the kitchen and saw where the combination ended.
A wooden switch.
A terrified daughter.
A son crouched like bodyguard.
Michael’s failure was not that he secretly wanted:
that.
It was letting other people decide what his vague instructions meant.
Then practical changes.
Michael reduced travel by about one-third.
Not zero.
He remained CEO.
He hired a household manager for logistics.
Not parenting.
Schools communicated with Michael directly and copied whoever appropriate.
Laura and Sarah’s parents had open contact with the children unless specific safety issue existed.
No adult partner could restrict contact unilaterally.
Then discipline.
Michael built actual rules.
Few.
Clear.
No violence.
No food restriction.
No humiliating chores.
No threats of removal.
No telling children love depended on conduct.
Consequences ended when consequences ended.
Then one evening Ben missed curfew by forty minutes.
Michael grounded him from seeing friends the next day.
Ben yelled:
“Victoria would love this.”
Michael answered:
“She’s not relevant to whether you missed curfew.”
Ben stared.
Then went upstairs angry.
Good.
May you like
Normal parenting did not need to compare itself constantly to the bad period.
That took time.
