Chapter 8 - My Medical Chart Said Things I Never Told My Doctor
At twenty-six weeks, I had an obstetric appointment.
Ryan drove me.
Judith came.
I asked:
“Why?”
“She knows your intake.”
I said:
“I know my intake.”
Judith smiled.
The nurse checked:
weight,
blood pressure,
urine.
Baby looked:
good.
Then Dr. Patel said:
“I want to revisit something from the portal message.”
“What message?”
She looked at Ryan.
He immediately said:
“The one about her refusing supplements.”
I stared.
“What portal message?”
Ryan had proxy access to my patient portal.
I gave it to him during hospitalization so he could:
see appointments,
manage bills,
message if I was too sick.
He had been sending updates.
Under:
my account.
Not impersonating me exactly.
The portal allowed proxy messaging.
But several notes read:
Emma continues to refuse recommended intake and becomes combative when encouraged.
Combative.
I looked at Dr. Patel.
“I did not write that.”
She became very still.
Ryan said:
“I did.”
I turned.
“Why?”
“Because you weren’t telling them.”
“Telling them what?”
“That you won’t eat.”
“I eat.”
“Not enough.”
Dr. Patel interrupted:
“Stop.”
Good.
She separated:
me
from:
Ryan and Judith.
For the first time.
She asked privately:
“Do you feel safe at home?”
I said:
“Yes.”
That answer would haunt me.
Why did I say yes?
Because I had not yet accepted:
home
meant Judith’s house.
Because Ryan had never punched:
me.
Because Judith’s control still came dressed as:
care.
Because I thought saying no would trigger:
social workers,
questions,
marital crisis,
maybe hospitalization.
I wanted:
none.
So:
“Yes.”
Then Dr. Patel asked:
“Do you want Ryan’s proxy access removed?”
I hesitated.
Then said:
“No.”
May you like
That was another choice I would revisit later.
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