Chapter 9 - The Second Embryo Became the Only Fertility Decision Richard Could No Longer Make for Me
My attorney filed for legal separation first.
Not because I wanted to win a race.
Because Richard continued behaving as though the fertility dispute could be contained inside:
marriage counseling.
It could not.
I moved into a condominium I owned before our marriage.
Richard stayed in the house.
The remaining embryo stayed exactly where it was.
Frozen.
No transfer.
No destruction.
No donation.
Nothing without proper consent and legal resolution.
For the first time in months, nobody could move the process forward by simply being more:
determined.
Richard hated that.
He petitioned the court for an order preserving the embryo pending divorce.
I did not oppose preservation.
I wanted the same.
The disagreement was what eventually happened.
That could wait.
Then the pregnancy.
Parentage was legally complicated because the gestational-carrier agreement had been entered through fraudulent consent.
Emma was not genetically related to the fetus and had never intended to parent.
Richard was genetic father.
I was genetic mother.
But legal parentage after a gestational-carrier arrangement depends on state law and valid procedure.
Our lawyers sought a separate parentage determination rather than pretending the contaminated contract automatically solved:
everything.
Emma’s lawyer supported that.
She wanted clear legal separation between her and the child after birth if that remained her wish.
No one should force her into parenthood because Richard corrupted the paperwork.
Then I had to answer the question I kept avoiding.
Did I want to be the child’s mother?
My therapist did not let me answer quickly.
“You wanted a child for years.”
“Yes.”
“Does that mean you must want this child?”
“No.”
“Does the way the pregnancy happened make the child responsible?”
“No.”
“Does deciding to parent mean approving what Richard did?”
“No.”
That took weeks to:
believe.
Eventually my answer became:
yes.
Not because the embryo was mine.
Not because I had been waiting for motherhood to rescue my life.
Because when I imagined the child being born, I wanted to participate in raising them.
I wanted that even after separating the choice from Richard.
That distinction mattered to:
me.
I told Emma through counsel first.
I did not want her learning through Richard.
Emma responded with one sentence:
Thank you for telling me directly.
That was more generous than I deserved.
Then I told Richard.
His first reaction was relief.
“I knew you would come around.”
I stopped him.
“No.”
He looked confused.
“I am choosing to parent. I am not coming around to what you did.”
Difference.
Then we began custody discussions for a child not yet born.
Strange.
Necessary.
Richard wanted equal parenting from:
birth.
My attorney advised not turning the newborn into punishment.
Correct.
But Richard’s coercive conduct toward me and his continuing attempts to control Emma were relevant to how communication and decision-making should be structured.
We began discussing:
separate households,
written communication,
medical decision protocols,
and newborn scheduling appropriate to the child’s needs.
Then Richard’s therapist produced something in a court-ordered disclosure? Therapy confidentiality complex. Better don't. Use messages Richard himself sent to friend.
Instead, discovery in our divorce produced messages to Richard’s brother.
Diane will forgive me once she holds the baby.
Then:
If she doesn’t, at least I saved one of the embryos.
There.
He still viewed the pregnancy as a successful outcome.
Then another message:
I couldn’t let her grief erase our family.
That explained his motive more clearly than money ever could.
He believed our future family belonged partly to him already.
My refusal was not a decision.
It was an obstacle he believed love entitled him to:
May you like
override.
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