Chapter 7 - I Had To Tell Lila My Slap Was Wrong Too
Lila asked me about my own behavior two days later.
“Dad?”
“Yeah?”
“Why did you hit Vivienne?”
I knew the question was coming.
“Because I was furious.”
“Because she hurt me?”
“Yes.”
“So it was okay?”
There it was.
The trap adults create when we glorify retaliation.
“No.”
Lila looked confused.
“She did worse.”
“Yes.”
“So?”
“I should have gotten you safe first and handled her without hitting her.”
“But you only did it once.”
“That doesn’t make it right.”
She thought.
“Did it hurt her?”
“Probably.”
“Are you sorry?”
“Yes.”
“Do you have to say sorry to her?”
That was harder.
Eventually:
“Yes. For the slap. Not for defending you.”
Lila seemed satisfied with the distinction.
I sent Vivienne a written apology through my attorney.
Simple.
I should not have struck you. I accept responsibility for that action. It does not change my position regarding what you did to Lila.
Vivienne tried to use my apology as proof that “both sides lost control.”
No.
Both actions were wrong.
They were not equivalent.
She attacked a seven-year-old to frighten and humiliate her.
I retaliated impulsively after the immediate danger ended.
Accountability does not require pretending context disappears.
May you like
It requires naming your own act accurately.
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