Chapter 14 - My Mother Did Not Become a Monster Just Because She Did Something Monstrous
For almost a year, I had no direct relationship with Gloria.
Calls went through:
attorneys
or:
therapists.
She blamed:
me.
“You stole Lizzy.”
I did not argue.
Then:
“You turned one mistake into a criminal case.”
Again:
no.
The case existed because:
she locked a child in a closet and left.
Eventually therapy changed her language.
Her first written apology:
I’m sorry Natalie overreacted and scared you.
Returned.
Second:
I’m sorry I left you alone too long.
Closer.
Still no:
closet.
Then, almost fourteen months later:
Lizzy, I locked the closet door because I was angry that you took food.
I left the house while you could not get out.
You were six.
You were not responsible for my frustration, my money problems, my grief, or the checks I received.
I made you feel like eating, asking for things and needing care were reasons to punish you.
That was wrong.
I read it first.
Then Lizzy’s therapist reviewed it.
Then Lizzy decided:
she wanted to hear it.
She listened.
Asked:
“Does Grandma want me back?”
I answered:
“She wants a relationship.”
“That’s not what I asked.”
Eight by then.
Sharper.
“No.”
“She cannot be your guardian again under the current orders.”
Lizzy looked relieved.
Then:
“Can I see her?”
That surprised:
me.
“You want to?”
“Maybe.”
Not:
yes.
Good.
The first contact was:
therapeutically supervised.
Forty-five minutes.
Gloria cried too much at first.
The therapist stopped her.
“This meeting is not for Lizzy to reassure you.”
Excellent.
Gloria composed herself.
Then apologized without:
but.
Lizzy asked:
“Why did you say I was expensive?”
Gloria closed her eyes.
Then:
“Because I was angry about money and blamed you for changes in my life that adults had decided.”
“Was it my fault?”
“No.”
“Did Mom want me?”
Gloria started crying again.
“Yes.”
“Did Aunt Natalie?”
I answered from my chair:
“Yes.”
Lizzy looked at:
me.
“You didn’t take me before.”
There.
Not accusation.
Truth.
I said:
“No.”
“I should have asked more questions sooner.”
She nodded.
May you like
That was enough.
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