Chapter 20 - bethany’s first apology still made rosie responsible for her guilt
Bethany wrote to Rosie when Rosie was seven.
The letter came through attorneys.
No surprise contact.
No hidden note in a birthday gift.
That part was appropriate.
The letter itself was not.
I read it first.
Rosie,
I am sorry for what happened at your birthday.
I thought I was helping you become stronger because I believed your father protected you too much.
I never intended for you to be hurt the way you were.
I have spent every day regretting—
I stopped.
There it was.
I thought I was helping.
Never intended.
Regretting.
All centered on Bethany.
Then:
I hope someday you can forgive me because living without you in the family has been one of the hardest things I have ever experienced.
No.
Absolutely not.
The therapist agreed.
Rosie did not receive it.
Bethany’s attorney later asked why.
My answer was simple.
Because Rosie is not responsible for making Bethany’s guilt easier to live with.
Two months later Bethany wrote again.
Shorter.
Rosie,
You said stop.
I did not stop.
You cried for your father.
I treated your crying like a behavior I needed to defeat.
When you asked Grandma for help, I allowed the adults around me to support what I was doing instead of listening to you.
You were four years old.
Nothing about your fear made my behavior necessary.
I am sorry.
You do not owe me forgiveness or contact.
Bethany.
Better.
Much better.
Still, Rosie was seven.
An adult’s improved apology did not automatically become a child’s burden.
I told Rosie:
“Bethany wrote something.”
Rosie stared at me.
“Bad?”
“An apology.”
“Do I read?”
“Only if you want.”
“What does it say?”
“That she was wrong.”
Rosie thought.
“Does she say joke?”
“No.”
“Tough?”
“No.”
“Does she say I forgive?”
“No.”
Then:
“Keep it.”
“For later?”
“Maybe.”
Another no now.
This time, Bethany accepted it without complaint.
That was the first thing she had done concerning Rosie that required no audience.
No praise.
No access.
May you like
No forgiveness.
Just waiting.
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