Chapter 3 - Vanessa Believed Children Became Difficult When Adults Were Too Gentle
Our parenting styles were different.
At first, harmlessly.
I believed in:
choices,
redirection,
calm consequences.
Vanessa believed:
children test weakness.
She had a phrase:
“Kids need to know who’s in charge.”
When Lily was four, she had tantrums.
Vanessa responded with:
time-outs,
loss of toys,
early bedtime.
Nothing alarming.
Then Vanessa became harsher as Lily got older.
“Stop crying.”
“Use your words.”
“You don’t get attention for that.”
I sometimes thought:
too strict.
Then I saw Lily obey quickly.
Quietly.
And because I was exhausted with Emma’s more emotional temperament, some part of me envied:
the result.
That admission bothered me later.
Emma cried easily.
Not fake crying.
Big feelings.
If her toast broke:
tears.
Wrong socks:
tears.
Daycare goodbye:
tears.
I was patient most days.
Some days, I hated how tired it made me.
Vanessa noticed.
She said:
“You feed it.”
“What?”
“The crying.”
“She’s three.”
“Exactly when you stop it.”
I laughed.
“Stop feelings?”
“Stop rewarding them.”
I disagreed.
Then still kept sending Emma to:
her house.
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That contradiction mattered.
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