Chapter 9 - Mom’s Messages Were Worse Than the First One
I called Diane the afternoon of the frying-pan incident.
She answered immediately.
“Rachel.”
“What did you tell Vanessa?”
Silence.
“I need exact words.”
“Stop interrogating me.”
“What did you tell her about Emma?”
“I said you need support.”
“No.”
“What did you tell her?”
Mom sighed.
“Vanessa called me because Emma was becoming impossible.”
“Impossible how?”
“She cries.”
“She refuses food.”
“She takes Lily’s things.”
“She’s four.”
“Four-year-olds still need discipline.”
I said:
“Did you tell Vanessa to handle her?”
“Yes.”
“What did you mean?”
“To stop calling you every five minutes.”
There.
Vanessa had complained that whenever Emma became upset, she begged:
“Call Mommy.”
Vanessa sometimes did.
I usually told her:
“I’ll handle it when I get there.”
Mom interpreted that as:
Rachel undermining Vanessa.
So Diane advised:
“Don’t call Rachel.”
“Deal with it.”
“She needs to learn you’re in charge when she’s there.”
Then additional texts emerged from:
Mom to Vanessa.
Not criminal evidence.
Family conversation.
Rachel makes that child think every feeling is an emergency.
If she cries for Mommy, ignore it until she calms down.
You have my permission to be tougher than Rachel likes.
That sentence enraged me.
I called:
“Your permission?”
Mom answered:
“You know what I meant.”
“No.”
“I don’t.”
“I’m her grandmother.”
“You are not her parent.”
“I raised two girls.”
“And now you’re helping one of them overrule the other about her own child.”
Silence.
Then Mom said something revealing.
“You always make Vanessa the bad guy.”
I almost laughed.
“This is about Emma.”
“No.”
“It’s always about you thinking Vanessa is too rough and Vanessa thinking you’re too soft.”
She still saw:
sisters.
Not:
adult mother
and:
child.
Our entire family had failed to update:
roles.
May you like
That would become the real conflict.
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