Chapter 8 - I Had To Answer For My Own Violence
I kicked Marcus.
I slapped Bianca.
Those facts did not disappear because what they did was worse.
Marcus lunged for Emma’s phone.
I blocked him while holding Lucy.
Then I kicked him.
Could I have simply pushed him away?
Probably.
Was I furious?
Absolutely.
The slap was even clearer.
Bianca reached toward Lucy.
I turned and struck her.
Once.
Lucy was already secure against me.
I could have stepped back.
I didn’t.
Later Lucy asked:
“Did you hit Bianca because she made me eat like Murphy?”
My stomach twisted.
“She tried to make you.”
“But you hit her.”
“Yes.”
“Was that good?”
Children ask moral questions adults prefer to blur.
“No.”
Lucy frowned.
“She was bad.”
“What she did was bad.”
“So why can’t you?”
“Because being angry doesn’t make every action okay.”
She thought about it.
Then:
“But you stopped her.”
“Yes.”
“That part was good.”
“Yes.”
“And the hit was bad.”
“Yes.”
She nodded.
“Okay.”
Simple for her.
Harder for me.
I gave honest statements about both incidents.
I refused to call retaliation perfect protection.
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If I wanted Lucy to learn that adults could not use power however they wanted, the rule had to include her father.
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